M-Day approaches

 2 days to go…. there is almost not a thought in a moment of time that does not involve the mastectomy…. even my dreams are about the impending surgery and my decisions, yet to be made.

I want this over with… is it ever really over?  Or is that just an illusion so we can get back to life?  I think it is…but that is probably true of most things, or we’d never do anything but sit in a dark corner.

Times I cry?  When my wonderful neighbors call and tell me that they will take care of dinners when we get home from the hospital… There is no way I can ever express how much this means to me and how grateful I am for their friendship and caring (and not having to eat my husband’s cooking!…actually, he boils a mean pot of water!)

I thought I’d pamper myself pre-surgery and have my hair done…problem was, I mis-read the time and arrived 2 hours too early with 1000 other things to do today…. bummer…. spent the rest of the day (and no hair treatment) searching for a durable goods shop nearby to get my compression sleeve.

Oh, compression sleeves? For Lymphedema, and the prevention thereof… Now that I have 3 nodes removed, my left arm is ‘at risk’… they suggest nothing tight and binding on that arm, no handbag straps, no blood pressure cuff and injections, lots of ‘no’…. air travel is a concern that the sleeve will hopefully mitigate…. I know I’m supposed to feel ‘lucky’ because I don’t need chemo and radiation, but somehow, being at risk for Lympedema and having a mastectomy does not feel lucky.

My definition of lucky?  Winning the lottery and flying with all my friends to a tropical paradise…see the problem there?  BIG difference.

So last week I had my 10 year MRI for a brain tumor (meningioma) I had surgery and Gamma Knife Radiation for 10 years ago…. CLEAN!  so, here’s a revised definition of lucky… not having a brain tumor and breast cancer at the same time!

Thank you to all my friends and family for ‘being there’ for me.  I am truly grateful.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cyndie
    Sep 26, 2011 @ 23:01:53

    I love you …. I have no words yet I have a thousand thoughts which my mouth fails to recognize and give language to. I can say this I am crying with you and for you. Yet something deep inside tells me you are going to be just fine and for that I give gratitude. You live life to the fullest my friend and even though this is a nasty little detour it is not the destination. The destination is yet to be lived fully. I believe in you and love you~.


  2. Helene Jeanette
    Sep 26, 2011 @ 21:13:41

    Not a day goes by that I’m not thinking of you many many times during the day, wondering how to get the message across that you’ll walk in and out of surgery with so much love. And love doesn’t “go bad.” It can’t mold, mildew, rot, or get cancer. Love is what you are and all you are and you’ll come out of the hospital with every bit of love intact that you had going in. And isn’t that something wonderfully incredible? And aren’t you something wonderfully incredible? (At this point you’d better be smiling and agreeing with me.) And as for your husband’s cooking….well, so long as he can use a phone, his repertory will be unlimited!


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